Auditions are starting to pick back up. It always slows down for the Holidays and then gets good again at the beginning of the year. I had one last Friday for an internet webisode called "Girl Trash." They're starting to cast a lot of these webisodes now. But the project is suppose to be really sexy and crazy. About girl private investigators with some campyness involved. It sounded like fun. Angela Robinson was there, she directed "Herbie Fully Loaded" and "D.E.B.S" and will be directing this as an expierimental project. She was really nice and didn't say much. I always get so nervous when I have to read for the director and producers. But I didn't flub my lines so I'm happy with it. As I was leaving, my manager called and told me I got a call back for a Lincoln car commercial I went out for last week and that I had to get over there right away. So I bolted from Culver City to Beverly Hills as fast as I could. When I got there, there was a room full of women and casting was of course late. It always happens like that when I rush. I waded through to the sign-in sheet and wrote my name, my agency which is Artist's International, and the time I arrived. For commercials they always have a paper to fill out with fitting sizes. Then they take a polaroid of you and staple it all together. I sat down to start writing and as I glanced around, I could see all the different types of girls and possible ways they were maybe going to go with the commercial. When the casting director finally called my name and it was my turn, I remember to try and be myself and put one foot in front of the other. It all seems to end way too fast and the rush isn't over yet as I'm walking out the door. I love that feeling. My Father told me when I was a kid that making it as an actress was like winning the lottery. He might be right, but this is a dream I cannot explain that drives me to such lengths. I'm not as afraid to show myself to people anymore. To look stupid. To fuck up. To fail. To look ugly. To persevere even though you know there are people out there who would rather see you fall. In those moments we learn what we're made of. Learn to be an individual. Learn to not be afraid to be different. Embrace the strange. Acting is not easy no matter how it looks. I have a lot of respect for the mental and sometimes physical process actors have to go through. It does stuff to your mind. That's a part the public doesn't see a lot. The preparation part. I've known people to stay in character all throughout the entire time it takes to finish their film, not just on the set. It's pretty hardcore. But this is what turns me on. This is what I want to do. And I'm just one among many.
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