Wednesday, April 11, 2007

To All The Crazies, Just Like Me...

My Goodness! I haven't written in so long! I got terribly sick with the flu for weeks and gave it to just about everyone in my family. And honestly, I just haven't felt like writing anything. Do you ever get like that? I haven't been having any auditions either so I've been down in the dumps about that too. I want to act more than anything in the world but there just hasn't been any work. Sucky! I put in a couple of applications for part time work. One at a clothing store called Wasteland on Melrose ave. It's the kind of place where they buy clothes from people and then resale them. I think that might be fun and not too confining. I need to start making better money since this acting thing just isn't paying the bills. It's either that or get a waitressing job just like every other actor out there trying to make it. At the begining of this year I got invited to be on the Dr. Keith Ablow show in N.Y. It's a daytime talk show. I turned it down because I didn't want to talk about what they wanted me to talk about. Now I wonder what would have become of it if I had accepted it. Would it have changed my life and given me more opportunities? This is such a hard time for me. I'm changing so much and realizing life isn't as fantastical as I once imagined it was. It's true that REAL spiritual growth comes after pain, if your honest with yourself. Opening my eyes for the first time hurt when the light entered. But the light is REAL!

I really want to start my owm clothing store in downtown L.A but first I'd have to find investors and I don't know anything about that. My concept is the same thing that Wasteland is doing except I'd like to sell baby and children"s clothes. From experience I know how fast kids grow out of clothes and how expensive it can be to constantly have to keep up. 9 to 5 jobs aren't exactly where I'd like to be but I'm definitely not to good to do it. Honestly, I'm not at the place I want to be in my life right now. I'm still in the process of letting go of the past. But thankfully I have a place to put all my thoughts, good or bad....right or wrong......sane or crazy............And I'm here, at least I know that..........

36 comments:

Yusuf Abdulla Shunan said...

I am thinking here if to comment on something inspirational or scold you... so here I go...

First you sound really screwed, and I know the feeling... But if yu don't do anything about it who else will? You have a dream, that is a big start, now just BELIEVE in yourself and get out there and do something... There is nothing like pursing a dream...

The Greeks when they near the death of someone they ask one question "Did s/he had a passion in life?"

So do you have a passion in life? Seek it, find it and sure it will take some time. Isn't it the most fun part of it, living in it? In times of doubt try R. kelly's 'I believe I can fly!'

You are a talent women and I have faith in you...

Lorraine, London said...

No , life isn't what we thought it would be (cue that Super - duper - tramp song I remember from my childhood - Logical song). But, just to add another cliche, the great thing about it is you never know what's around the corner.

Keep on making art and dreaming dreams 'cos you just never know...

lhs said...

I have looked for you for so long. remember me...bff??? the fire at my house, then at yours, those crazy childhood days? we are all grown up, still living this crazy life...i want to talk to you...how can i????? too many years have passed...

lhs said...

larahsmall@hotmail.com...bff

Yusuf Abdulla Shunan said...

so you haven't updated the blog for a while ha!

we miss you ;) whatz up?

lara said...

are you gonna email me back? larahsmall@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I'm a sister who cares,
You're smart and I'm proud of you that you got out of there.
Cuz the "freedom" they sell isn't freedom at all,
Now that you've left them behind you can truly have it all.

Ok, so that's my crappy-ass attempt at poetry but it's from the heart. I don't know how much it's ok to say here but I think I know something of what you're going through and I just want you to know there are many out there who've been in your same situation (leaving a certain group behind) and who are happier than ever. Seek them out...they're there for you.

Anonymous said...

Actually, you've had several auditions for leads in films, however, your managers are not able to contact you and you haven't responded to their emails! Also, your phone number doesn't work, and everytime we email you, it bounces back... SO, call your freaking managers, let them know that you are alive and want to work! They've stopped submitting you because they look like asses when you get an audition, but they can't contact you to tell you about it!
Sincerely,
Your Manager!

Anonymous said...

junkie trash

Summerour Middle said...

Hi,
It's Kristen H. from Summerour. I have way too much time on my hands these days and I found your site. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and your success. In some of your blogs it sounds like you're not where you'd like to be with your life or maybe career. To me your greatest accomplishment is your children. I truly believe that the greatest work we can ever achieve is within the walls of our own home. Yes, I borrowed part of that quote from someone I can't remember.

I also want to tell you that I always admired you for your physical beauty. What I was not mature enough to see, was your inner beauty. You weren't caught up in your own little world like a lot of us other girls were. You were always kind and gentle.

I have one really cool memory of you from Ms. May's English class. You wrote a story about a man who ran for president of the US; all of the citizen's adored him so he easily won the election. Once he made it into the White House he opened up his briefcase and put a plan in place to help the Russian's conquer America. The room was silent after you finished reading it. Coming from a 13 year old girl this was astounding. It seems you were meant for greatness!

Just know that someone remembers your talent and goodness.

Good luck,
~K

Summerour Middle said...

Hi,
It's Kristen H. from Summerour. I have way too much time on my hands these days and I found your site. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and your success. In some of your blogs it sounds like you're not where you'd like to be with your life or maybe career. To me your greatest accomplishment is your children. I truly believe that the greatest work we can ever achieve is within the walls of our own home. Yes, I borrowed part of that quote from someone I can't remember.

I also want to tell you that I always admired you for your physical beauty. What I was not mature enough to see, was your inner beauty. You weren't caught up in your own little world like a lot of us other girls were. You were always kind and gentle.

I have one really cool memory of you from Ms. May's English class. You wrote a story about a man who ran for president of the US; all of the citizen's adored him so he easily won the election. Once he made it into the White House he opened up his briefcase and put a plan in place to help the Russian's conquer America. The room was silent after you finished reading it. Coming from a 13 year old girl this was astounding. It seems you were meant for greatness!

Just know that someone remembers your talent and goodness.

Good luck,
~K

Anonymous said...

hey old friend. These last few lines hit home. I'm not where I want to be, trying to let go of the past. I'm going through this now. I hope you are doing well! it's been decades since we've talking. Im living in NOHO now. I'd love hear from you.
andy
andycummings@mindspring.com

Anonymous said...

This is Valerie Ruppe Ellenburg, I've been trying to find your email address. I would love to talk to you. I didn't know you had kids. I would love to catch up. Please email me at cvmc@charter.net

Thanks and hope to hear from you.

Anonymous said...

you can't act. surrender the fantasy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Carmen... Long time old friend. Would love to talk to you.

andycummings@mindspring.com

Anonymous said...

Where are you? Why did you stop?

joydivision569 said...

Carmen, I love all your post!!! I have read some of them more than once, they're just that good. I feel like I have been holding my breath for so long and now I can breathe. They are really touching, refreshing and open. This is Joy by the way, I have known you a loooong time, since third grade to be exact. The last time I saw you was with Beth P a long time ago right before you got married. I would love to hear from you!! Again your writing is beautiful and so are the pictures.

Joy

Anonymous said...

adamtrese@gmail.com

hey Carmen! Hope you're doing well. Your "brother"

Anonymous said...

Hi. Are you still reading your comments?

Even if you didn't grow up in Scientology, you might find this site interesting:
http://www.exscientologykids.com/

Beth
moontaco88@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

SEE MI STENCIL'S....

FROM VENEZUELA...


xx_dark_raven_xx@hotmail.com

http://www.fotolog.com/level_stncl

Anonymous said...

SEE MY STENCIL'S...

FROM VENEZUELA...

http://www.fotolog.com/level_stncl

xx_dark_raven_xx@hotmail.com

dangelam1 said...

carmen - i tried to contact you through lee in december when i was in LA photographing with some artist in the recording studio. i would love to catch up. i am proud of you for going after your dreams. it's sometimes scary. -angela from atlanta
email me at angelaphotography@mac.com

Rick Payne said...

Hey Carmen! It's me Rick Payne!!!!I have missed you and would love to hear from you. you can reach me rick_payne@comcast.net I hope all is well and hope to hear from you soon. Congrats on the twins!

Peter said...

Hi Carmen,
just saw Chasing Amy again yesterday and kinda wondered what became of your career in films.
Guess this place can provide me with some answers, and more.
Best of luck to you - greetings from Belgium!

Anonymous said...

Why don't you write anymore ? I loved your pictures in the internet. I think you look better with short hair !! I am also a photographer but not a lot this year cos I have to pay bills... Hope to read you soon. Paula from Lisbon

INKLADY073 said...

Carmen,Hey girl I know its been awhile,but I lived in the same apartments u did.Across from Lilburn Elementary school.I was real close to your older sister Tammy,and your mama Sandra will rememeber me.Your Ma used to hang and talk to my aunt Donna Howington ALOT.They were pretty good friends.NE way just wanted to say congrats to all u've accomplished.And believe me girl I am one OF the CRAZIES just like you;)~Tell your mama and sister hey,and I can't for the life of me remember your little sister's name, but tell her hey too.Besafe in ALL you do.Love Always from the kid u grew up with Heather Chambers

Rafael said...

You arent the only one from that algebra class, who isnt where they would like to be. You have gone further and seen more, congrats.Been searching the web to see any of your art work, no luck. If and or when you find a way to let go of the past, I could use some pointers. Its been seventeen years, last time we saw each other, I was arrested for dis-orderly house. I forget who got the better grade? Who owes who dinner?

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Formerly Fooled said...

Hi Carmen,

Hope you keep your blog going. It's really good.

Thank you for speaking up to the media!

If you are looking for some local allies, of some 'critics of scientology' kind, email me at xscilentologist (at)yahoo.com
and I will give you the particulars. You have alot of support fot what you are doing.

To verify who I am, check out my blog and my scribd:
http://free-from-scientology.blogspot.com
http://www.scribd.com/anonymary
or google "Mary McConnell" with scientology or Narconon.

Sarah B. said...

Sorry things are tough right now. Good luck with your job hunting!

Anonymous said...

WAY TO GO!

Please keep speaking out.

Anonymous

awomaninla said...

You are a beautiful writer.

beerexs said...

I like/respect that you turned down the people whom wished to make light of things you may've not been ready to discuss publicly.

Money does talk ...but does self-identity, when it's artificially removed for all to dissect?

I think not.

It's just one event in history and for better or worse you will still be alive.

I also, like the baby clothes idea.

Fred said...

I wish you'd update things. I'd love to know how you're doing.

wheninromero said...

i wish whoever wrote this blog was still doing it. i guess i found it too late.