To All The Crazies, Just Like Me...

My Goodness! I haven't written in so long! I got terribly sick with the flu for weeks and gave it to just about everyone in my family. And honestly, I just haven't felt like writing anything. Do you ever get like that? I haven't been having any auditions either so I've been down in the dumps about that too. I want to act more than anything in the world but there just hasn't been any work. Sucky! I put in a couple of applications for part time work. One at a clothing store called Wasteland on Melrose ave. It's the kind of place where they buy clothes from people and then resale them. I think that might be fun and not too confining. I need to start making better money since this acting thing just isn't paying the bills. It's either that or get a waitressing job just like every other actor out there trying to make it. At the begining of this year I got invited to be on the Dr. Keith Ablow show in N.Y. It's a daytime talk show. I turned it down because I didn't want to talk about what they wanted me to talk about. Now I wonder what would have become of it if I had accepted it. Would it have changed my life and given me more opportunities? This is such a hard time for me. I'm changing so much and realizing life isn't as fantastical as I once imagined it was. It's true that REAL spiritual growth comes after pain, if your honest with yourself. Opening my eyes for the first time hurt when the light entered. But the light is REAL!

I really want to start my owm clothing store in downtown L.A but first I'd have to find investors and I don't know anything about that. My concept is the same thing that Wasteland is doing except I'd like to sell baby and children"s clothes. From experience I know how fast kids grow out of clothes and how expensive it can be to constantly have to keep up. 9 to 5 jobs aren't exactly where I'd like to be but I'm definitely not to good to do it. Honestly, I'm not at the place I want to be in my life right now. I'm still in the process of letting go of the past. But thankfully I have a place to put all my thoughts, good or bad....right or wrong......sane or crazy............And I'm here, at least I know that..........